#decent game objectively but i didnt rlly like it

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi cas! Hope you're having a good day!

So I have some problems, and it would be great if you could give me a little advice. Sry in advance, this'll be long.

So theres a bit of context I need to explain first. So this all kind of started 3 years ago, after everyone got back to normal school from virtual. I had a friend (E) who I started developing a crush on (she was my first gay crush). A bit into the school year, I noticed that I started having a bunch more small conflicts with her. I was also kind of decent friends with her brother (M). Once winter started, M and a few others started making a game of tripping me on the ice. E just stood by and watched, which sort of felt just as bad as if she was doing it. E was generally making fun of me, stealing things from me and saying she was just joking around, and making little comments about me and things I was doing. I was able to make friends with another group, though, so I escaped that.

The next year, I got into a relationship with one of the ppl in the other friend group (L). It took me a while to realize they were perssuring me into everything that we did intimately, and I was pretty uncomfortable with it. Then on top of L, there was this other guy that was causing trouble (H), who I had been good friends with since 2nd grade. H made fun of another friend's epilepsy, was hanging out with someone who was violent, and started assaulting/harassing girls at the school. Both kind of became physical with me, as in kicking me and hitting me, not enough to cause any damage, but was kind of painful. I managed to drift away from L, and the last time we kissed was at the end of the school year. I went no-contact with H, and I switched schools.

The next year, I became friends with someone who played the same instrument as me (D). She quickly turned out to be an ass, but I left her and start hanging out with someone who also was dealing with D (A), and she seemed really nice at first. Then she started getting mean. She would make little comments on my appearance or attitude/personality, which reminded me of E. She was also getting physical. Things like kicking me. breaking her computer on my hand, hitting me with hard objects (such as said computer), and pinching me. Again, nothing that really caused damage to me, but this really reminded me of L, which kind of made me freak out and bail. But that was hard, because I had band w D and a bunch of classes w A (I still do).

Now to this year. A has apologized, but I'm not really sure how to take it. E, M and D are also at this school, but we don't talk. So anyway, I have this really good friend (N) who I was talking to and hanging out with in all of last year, but they were at my previous school. Now they're at the same school as me, but I'm kind of scared. I don't want this relationship to turn out the same or similar to my previous friendships, but there seems to be a pattern of whenever I get too close to ppl, they either end up being jerks, or I end up accidentally becoming a jerk towards them. I've gotten really sad and overthink-y lately, and I'm just worried that N is sick of me or smth, or will turn out like E. I think all of these bad friendships (plus others i didnt mention) gave me a few issues with trust, but I don't want this pattern to keep following me. I'm also worried that it might just be smth I'm doing, not the other ppl. Advice plz?

(Ok sry, this was rlly long and probably confusing, but I hope it was sort of understandable)

Hi!

Honestly, I don't think it's your fault. You can't blame yourself for people being assholes. Judging from this, you did nothing wrong

I think in this situation, just keep setting strong boundaries and communicate. If anything feels off, call it out and also share with N that you have a past of toxic friendships. A good friend will be understanding about that. And if they aren't, then that's not a good friend, and it's not a person wasting your time on.

There ARE good people out there. It sucks that it's hard to find them, but I promise there are. I'm sending you love! naming you advance anon!